It’s been 11 months, 13 days, and about 10 hours (depending on when I hit *post* on this…well..post) since my daughter, Sidney Joyce White, was born. I started posting on the hashtag #DaddyGameProper November 26, 2015. I hadn’t heard anyone use the term before (a Twitter search says that exactly two people had ever used the hashtag before I did) but I had a couple of jokes about various “games” being “proper” on TWiB! Prime1 and felt this lined up well with my voice. I’m a creator to my core so I knew at some point fatherhood was going to enter into my work space or vice versa; I just didn’t know when or how.I surely couldn’t start talking about what you SHOULD do as a father because my kid hadn’t even finished cooking yet.
So instead of creating the project I so desperately wanted, I used the hashtag to store a lot of the fears, confusion and hope that I had about having a kid.
Once Siddy Bear arrived (I have 85,000 different names for the kid, so please be patient with me) I used the hashtag to post pictures of her or have conversations on social media about fatherhood and parenthood as a whole. But things are about to change. My kid is about to reach her first birthday. In a few weeks my kid will have lived on this earth for an entire rotation around the sun. For those of you who still may not understand what I’m saying here:
I KEPT A CHILD ALIVE FOR A WHOLE F*CKING YEAR. 2
Now yes, my wife had something to do with that.3 Besides the whole cooking of the kid4, she also has been a great and loving mom for the past 11 months, 13 days, and 10 hours. But that’s neither here nor there. When I discuss this I am taking credit for this miracle because holy crap on a cracker, the fact that this kid is still alive is a gatdamb miracle.5
To be clear, we didn’t have any real health scares with the child. Outside of her losing 17 oz. when she was first born6 and getting sick once & a half7 she’s been absolutely fine. This does not negate the miracle of her being alive, though. My wife and I…er…I mean “I” kept this child alive! Food, shelter, warmth? PROVIDED FOR, M’*UCKERS.8 This little9 baby is still on earth breathing air and playing n’shit and my wife, her parents, my mama, aunts, cousins, friends, babysitters–er–I mean, “I” MADE THAT HAPPEN.
I say all this to say I’m just getting to the point where I don’t think I’m actively10 going to get her killed. My daddy instincts have been growing over the past 11 months, 13 days and 10 hrs. I know for the most part when she’s about to do something that will put her life in jeopardy11 so I think I might be able to actively talk about this stuff without feeling like a complete asshat.12 I’m hoping that this space will act as a great way to chronicle my little monster while discussing what it is to be a parent and a father. Maybe some of the crap I share will make folks feel less alone. Maybe you’ll get an idea for something you hadn’t thought of or you’ll be able to tell me to shut the entire frack up about something and then I’ll learn a new skill to keep this child alive.
And then my daddy game will, in fact, be proper.
- Just in case you didn’t know. I host a show called TWIB! Prime w/ @elonjames White. Check it out! ↩
- Yes, there will be cuss words here. ↩
- And by “something” I mean she had a ridiculous amount to do with it. ↩
- That’s how I refer to the pregnancy. Pretty sure that qualifies as cooking. ↩
- I’ve killed multiple goldfish in my life. ↩
- Sidney was born 7 lbs 2 oz. Within her first month she dropped down to 6 lbs 1 oz. ↩
- “Can babies get half-sick?” Yes. ↩
- Toldya there would be cuss words. ↩
- Actually, she’s giant. I’ll get to that, I assure you. ↩
- Notice the qualifier. I’m still worried something I’m totally not prepared for is coming down the pike… ↩
- Which is basically all the gatdamb time. ↩
- Keyword: Complete. Asshattery still may occur. ↩